Our Pisay Days Part II...

"Never be afraid to say what's in your heart
And release the spark which can warm the heart
Of someone you love in the years to come."


-- (I forgot the author)


Many do not realize, nor understand what a person with a literary inclinations has to go through. There has to be a good balancing act to keep one's sanity. A writer sees life in a different perspective. He or she sees life as a prism with so many variations of light and shade. Even as the writer rejoices at the triumph of the winner in a boxing match, he or she feels at the same time the pain and and humiliation of the loser, especially if he was a former world champion and in the autumn of his boxing career. The writer laughs and cries at the same time.

He or she sees tragedy in a comedy, or vice versa. He or she even feels more deeply and more strongly what the main characters go through in life. And the writer cannot just keep his or his feeling to himself or herself. He or she has to unload them. (HE or SHE ay talaga namang nakakapagod na, but the writer must be gender-sensitive! Ayoko namang kapapasok ko pa lang sa Group, uupakan na ako ni Carmen A. Tama ba, Ike P.?)

Remember the article, "FOR DREAMS MUST DIE..." which I had asked you to edit 38 years ago? It was symbolic of so many things. End of my parents dream for me, end of my dream for a career in science and technology, and most of all, end of my infatuation (or fascination, according to Nat King Cole?) He! He! He!

Life is only a dream. However, it is our call, and our choice, NOT to make life a nightmare, but a pleasant dream.

Ah, Lazzie S and Alex B died young and in the prime of life chasing their DREAMS; others live a lifetime just going through the notion of living...

I can still picture Alex B in our room at the PISAY Dorm, 38 years ago, singing as if nobody's listening, the following refrain from an old Beatles' song, IMAGINE, which appeared to be Alex' favorite:

'YOU MAY SAY I'M A DREAMER
BUT I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE
I HOPE SOMEDAY YOU'LL JOIN US
AND THE WORLD WILL BE AS ONE."


[Our other roommates then were Mamerto Garcia, a GI from Batac and a relative of Ricarte (Where is he now?); Rod Cabado, Reli Coloso; and Boots Mabutas.]

Alex was always smiling. If I am not mistaken, he was the one who christened me TOM, for Tom Jones was the rage at that time with the peculiar movement of his hips while singing.

Ang buhay ay sadyang isang PANAGINIP lamang. Ngunit kung marami kang TUNAY NA KAIBIGAN na nagmamahal sa 'yo, kahit isang sandaling ipinahiram sa atin ng Poong Maykapal ay katumbas na ng napakahabang panahon.

"FOR DREAMS MUST DIE...' was a DEFINING MOMENT in my life. When that article was published in the SS, I firmed up my decision to write for the rest of my life. Gilms, you made it easier for me to make that choice and I'll always appreciate that beau geste.

I still remember the time when Ms.Tiongco (?)was teaching us to get the length of a side of a triangle, given the degrees and the length of the other side, or whatever. I was looking at Ms. Tiongco, but in my mind I was marveling at a beautiful quotation I had read earlier. How I wished I wrote that gem.

To my parents and friends, getting out of PISAY was a very sad event. I was also sad in knowing that my decision would be painful to them. How could I convince them at that time that the event should be a celebration and not an occasion for mourning? It was sort of a liberation for me.

In life, we have to make a decision, no matter how painful. Remember "Sophie's Choice"?

It is surely a tragedy to spend a lifetime doing what you do not want to do. But then, who was that wise guy who said that a tragedy in life is not to get your heart's desire? But further added that a greater tragedy is to get it? If you have nothing anymore to aspire for, you are only existing...

I hope you are not drained psychologically and physically after reading my e-mail. I have to unload from my heart the heavy burden it has been carrying for the last 38 years. THE HEART CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH. "ANG PUSO AY NAPAPAGOD DIN."

(The Pilipino version is a line taken from a piece written by my daughter, Sophia Nadine, for her Pilipino class)

In all of 38 years, that line never entered my mind. I asked my daughter, who was only 15 then, "Ineng, sa-an mo ba nakuha 'yan. Nabasa mo o napanood sa sine?" Her response was, "Wala lang. Naisip ko lang." And the clincher nearly floored me, "Mababa pa nga ang grade ko doon."

Pilipino is vastly superior to English as a literary medium, but then, we have to compete globally. I get a high, reading messages in Pilipino, especially from Charlie B.

Sophie is a revelation, as the late Prof. Reli Estanislao (again?) used to say in our French class while crossing his right leg over his left leg and gently rocking it.

At long last, the tree is starting to bear flowers after a long drought! In due time, the fruit will be harvested. May pag-asa akong nakita sa sikat ng umaga.

After a long dry spell, the rain falls as manna from Heaven. The brown grass which wilted will become a beautiful carpet of green grass once more. Regeneration. ..Renewal. .. Life goes on... Sophie and her generation are waiting in the wings, ready to take our place. Humanity marches triumphantly as orchestrated by ONE SUPREME BEING. "All in God's own sweet time."

Cris Servano

26 October 2007